Defeated, diseased, destroyed, disillusioned, and dismayed. Darkened by the times, dulled by the sights, wounds to the chest, war times, war cries.
An Angel of Light, pierces through the thickest of the thick. An Angel armored for relentlessness, torn by sadness, and weathered by loss. An Angel that pushes on when the wings can barely move and take flight. An Angel that seeks the suffering and in all their suffering loves...loves...loves...loves.
Empty my soul, Lord. Empty my soul. I am that Angel, that Soldier of Light that presses on towards the dawn when the night attempts to overcome me and rip me to shreds with thoughts of defeat. My body may be weak but Your spirit is strong on me. I do not stand on my own feet but Yours. Even when my faith fails You stand by and catch me and lift me to a restful state until that battle has been slayed, that beast has been defeated.
You took my sons father in May of 2004. You took MY father in January 2015. How can I ever look at Father's Day and Mother's Day ever the same? When you took my sons father, I bled my way through Father's Day but was able to make it through knowing I had my own father to hold the reigns until my son was strong enough. When you took my father, I succumbed to thoughts of helplessness and questions of how I could possibly make it through. I fought on to make it to Mother's Day and it broke me because that was the day only a few years ago I had to take him to the hospital and learned for the first time of his heart failure. I was face to face with the enemies of fate that day, and here I stood all alone to face those enemies once again, defeated.
The war thirsts for more of my flesh, to tear me apart, and make me less. I wield my sword in hopes it cuts through the deception while I swing with my eyes closed. The shield I barely have the strength to hold is battle worn, and its face is damaged with the divots the darkness possesses. Where is my back up? Where is he? How much longer? How many more battles? How much further can I go? My breastplate, my bullet proof vest, its power is diminishing, its power is fleeting, and I'm still in the midst of the fight, still slaying.
You know I owe you my life, and for that I will push on. You took me from true despair and brought me back to this life in order wage war against the enemies of you. They run silent, they run deep, they are faceless, they are sleek. Invisible, persecutors, multi-dimensional and formless. I fight against that which cannot be seen, a force that once faced by the light, will flee.
Let me SHINE on, SHINE on, like the radiant sun that shines even in it's death. Til the last drop, til the last day it can omit light, I will omit love. Love will be my hope. Love will be quest. Love will be what sets us free.
